“Is love not enough?” – is the question I asked as I searched for clarity amidst a foggy breakup. And to my surprise, a sullen “No,” was the answer I received.
Heartbroken and with grief rattling throughout my entire body, I decided to keep as cool as possible and continue on in the millionth post break-up-I miss you-we love each other-let’s make this work- conversation, that I so dearly need to have. And as we gushed over compatibility and falling in love, we griped over how easily that love turns to frustration and mistakes, when it is not handled properly. Especially with two people who never fully submitted to the vulnerability of the emotion.
Love makes you invincible yet you cannot properly place into words how or why? It’s like your veins suddenly pump Popeye’s spinach instead of blood. And it’s more that the cheesy, he’s funny, we have great sex, he’s amazing cliches of love.
For me, it’s the high I feel as I nestle in the arms of a sleeping man, who holds me as though he never wants to lose me. The warmth I feel as we sit and do absolutely nothing. The quirky gaze of his droopy eyes as he realizes he’s put too much syrup on his blueberry pancakes. The queasy nervous, school girl innocence that overcomes my body as we flirt the day away as if we were the only two people on it. The calm he brings to chaotic life by making me laugh or sending the right e-mails/texts when I need a smile. They way I become the only focal point in a room adorned with art, and how he shyly turns his head away when he realizes I see him staring. The intimacy of our bodies as we sneakily lean against one another in public. The just because words of adoration and affection Or how easy it is to see his formation in every song lyric. That’s what love is.
I’ve finally found that spark the generation before me said would come when I meet my heart’s match. Suddenly Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday became more than spatial frames but reasons to want to roll out of bed and conquer the day, just so I could share its details with someone. A reason for being more alive.
And love like that doesn’t come around often. I’d trade all I have in this world to have that back because once you’ve had that, there’s nothing in the world that can awaken you with the same intensity.
But as I relive that “No”, I realized The Beatles lied when they said all you need is love and maybe I was silly for a moment believing that it was all I needed to conquer the world.