I never thought I’d find love again, not after the whirlwind of heartbreaks I’ve experienced in my life. Not just in the romantic sense either – there as a point in my life where almost everything broke my heart. I never felt like enough to anyone, including myself.I felt as if my jigsaw piece never truly fit anywhere and maybe it was never meant to.

I’ve fought long and hard to keep my current relationship from becoming a relationship. I didn’t want the headaches or obligations of making sure to keep someone else happy ever to come. It has been something I’ve failed at so miserably time and time again. I can barely learn how to keep myself happy most days. So for years, we’ve just been friends, who argue when our egos were bruised. Who ignored that there was more than an attraction here because we afraid it would end ugly.
But now I can say I’m in the healthiest relationship, I’ve ever been in with someone I can consider my best friend. We almost never agree on anything, and we argue (boy do we argue). Yet, no matter how hard the fight one of us always gives in. I look at someone who believes in me even when he’s unsure of himself. Someone who calls me out on my bullshit and my insecurities. Someone who is scared to promise me forever but willing to work on fixing the right now’s.
I always thought love was supposed to be a fairy tale, with a sappy ending. Now I realize true love exists in the margins. Love is when my partner is looking me in the eyes on a regular night as I ramble away about my anxiety and saying, “If I can beat depression, you have the strength to do it too.”
To love without boundaries, allows the writer in me to add asterisks to the story whenever I want to change, grow, or audit my being. I hope I’m providing the same for him. Because your soulmate isn’t always the person who sets your heart ablaze, most times it’s the one who sits through the fire and sticks around to rebuild your ruins.

One Comment

  1. Belinda Bates
    Posted Jan 14 at 11:27 pm | Permalink

    I’m happy for You Christina. I do hope I’ll have that “true love” someday.

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